I (Finally) Went to the White House and It. Was. Lit!!!!

demetria lucas October 22, 2016

So.

I went to the White House last night. I have prayed for and dreamed about going while the Obamas are there. I had the same reaction— no greater— than when I went to the Epcot and the Magic Kingdom a couple months ago. Fun Fact: everyone who works in (or at?) The White House has, like, Disney training... Or maybe Disney has White House training. I dunno. I do know that when I arrived, and was walking to the main entrance, everyone I passed who worked there said, "welcome to the White House!" Like, it's how they say "hello!" As in, "welcome to the White House! May I take your coat?" And everyone smiles. They act like people who love their jobs.

But I'm getting ahead of the story. Let me start at the beginning.

BET hosted a "Love & Happiness" concert at the White House, the last of its kind before POTUS leaves office. In short, they invited 750-1000 black people-- there were maybe five white people in the room, including Bradley Cooper— to come party with The Obamas.

I got an invite. Lucky-- and hard praying--me.

So I go... because, duh.

Old White Men with Red Cups...

demetria lucas September 6, 2016

So CBW and I go to this car show while we're in Maryland. Two things:

1. When I got dressed in my jumpsuit that morning, CBW pointed out it was 80 degrees and jokes I’m all covered up. My jumpsuit is silk. I'm fine.

2. Each time CBW has been to Maryland with me, we hang out in PG, which is still predominately black, or DC which isn't, but we're around Black people and the non-black people who like hanging out with Black people.

So...

The car show? It was a drive, literally in the opposite direction of DC.

Not so far from my family’s house, but on the road to "where are the black people?" CBW spots the vintage cars and freaks out, which we've covered already HERE.

I drive over to the car show at CBW's urgent request and before we get out of the car, I ask him, "you sure you wanna go?"

I thought he understood. What I was trying to say, is, in my experience, there tends to be a type of old white guy who is into vintage cars. And yes, most of the vintage car owners were old white men. The type I'm describing doesn't make up every white guy who's into restoring cars, but there's a type that always seems to be present at these sorts of events.

It's the hardcore Republicans, who may or may not have a Confederate flag on their license plate or in their back window. They may not drop an n-bomb on you or in front of you, but they may say some blatantly racist sh-- to you. And they be fresh as hell with black women.

CBW says, he's good.

I assume this means he understands. He didn’t, which I don’t realize ‘til later.

NOT CBW: "He Doesn't Allow Me to Wear Bikinis"

demetria lucas August 16, 2016

I was packing for a beach vacay with my husband. Jamaica, for a friend’s wedding. My packing process means I have to try on everything seasonal before I put it the “maybe” pile. Here’s the thing, I was smaller, then got bigger. And now I’m smaller again, but still not as small as I was when I was really small, so some of the clothes fit and some don’t. Then there’s the stuff I bought for bigger me has to be tailored to accommodate my current size. So everything has to be tried on to figure out what fits now.

This is a long process. But one husband enjoys. When I start up with packing, he moves from the living room to the bedroom to watch me try on clothes.

So we get to the swimsuit portion of the packing, his favorite.

I try on a bikini that I bought in Brazil. It’s white and extra skimpy for maximum tanning. It fits well. I fold it and put it in the maybe pile.

Husband: That ain’t going to Jamaica.

Me: Sorry?

This is not the man I married.

(How) Did You Lose Weight?

demetria lucas August 10, 2016

At a networking event last night. I'm taking a picture with my phone, or trying to, and this woman keeps tapping my elbow and f---ing up my shot. I turn around to ask her to move, but I see she's trying to get my attention (despite me trying to take a picture).

Her: Demetria, right?

Me: Yes. Hi, how are you? What's your name?

I'm terrible with names by the way. And faces. I meet a LOT of people. A LOT. If our connection isn't about money or business, or you don't tell me some amazing story, I will probably forget we met until the fifth time we meet. And then I will only remember the fifth time. It's not personal. I have a small, but unique set of skills I focus on and perfect. Learning names ain't on the list. I only ask your name because 1) it's polite; 2) it's disarming.

She gives me her name.

Her: I almost didn't recognize you. I thought it was you, but I was like no, it just looks her because this girl is so much smaller. You look great. You lost of lot of weight, right?

Me: I don't know how to respond to that question.

Her: Oh, no. I didn't mean to be rude. It just looks like you're a lot smaller. You look great. You looked great before. You look really great now. You did lose weight right? You look so different.

My Mother Didn't Recognize Me

demetria lucas August 5, 2016

My mother walks into ‪#‎SeesomeDC‬ last night and doesn't recognize me. Like sees me, goes to the bartender and asks, "hey have you seen XYZ?"

Him: "nope."

Now mind you. It's 50 women sitting in a semi circle. I am sitting in the middle of said semi circle.

My mother walks downstairs, they tell her "Demetria's upstairs". So she comes upstairs, sits in the semi-circle of all black women, waiting for me to arrive... 90m after the event started.

She never recognizes me. She HEARS me, looks around and spots a person with my voice. This is how she IDs her daughter of 37 years.

Me: You really didn't recognize me?

Mom: You're like five shades darker than normal. You're actually brown now.

Me: I have the same hair from Colombia.

Mom: You had locs last I saw you.

Me: You saw pictures from Colombia. Same hair.

Mom: I saw you in the mud.

My "Huzzzzband" (Say It Like Sandra from 227)

demetria lucas August 1, 2016

There are many cool things about being married. One of the best is how dropping "husband" ends so many discussions.

My mother: I saw your little pictures from Cartagena. Your dresses were cute.

Me: *laughing at "little" cause I know where she's going.The 'rents and I don't do public affection. We're not callous or anything. It's just not who we are. We're a more stoic people, unless we know you well, then we're goofy, but we still ain't touchy-feely. I knew my mother was going to mention the mud pics.*

Me: You did?

Mom: Ummmm- hmmm. I saw you getting in those volcano ashes too. With that swimsuit on.

Me: *laughing cause waiting on this conversation was like waiting on the sun to come up.*

Me: You mean the mud?

Mom: Mmmmm -hmmmm. The volcano ashes. That was your idea?

Notes from Cartagena: Cocaine & Fresh Fruit

demetria lucas July 26, 2016

We're staying in the Old Town of Cartagena. It's a walled city. Literally, a stone wall around it. It's sort of like staying in Times Square. Lotta shops and resties and hotels. It's super touristy and a heavy police presence to make sure the tourists are safe. There's a zero percent crime rate. (This does not hold outside the walls.)

At night, the performers and vendors come out. You can buy anything from cocaine (dirt cheap) to art to fresh fruit.

There are also these rappers. This one group plays the instrumental to some old Dr. Dre beat on a loop. Every time we leave our "house", the guys run up on CBW (and every group of black people), and spit lyrics. The same lyrics. All I can make out is when they say "Michael Jordan". We keep walking, and they just follow along or beside us spitting until the verse is done. Then they all dap up and walk off to look for the next person. It's annoying as hell.

#SeeSomeDC: "Are you only tall on TV?"

demetria lucas June 21, 2016

n recent developments of Demetria's on TV and things are straight weird...

I was in the suburbs all last week. I went to Starbucks everyday. It's a black Starbucks. Black-owned? Probably, given the area. All the patrons are black and at least 45.

I order a latte. Takes 5 minutes tops in NYC. Takes at least 12-15 at this Starbucks. Whatever. There's another Starbucks farther away with faster service, but I'm not getting on the highway to go to Starbucks.

So, I sit to wait for my drink. There are a couple women sitting at the counter talking to the guy making drinks. There are another pair of women standing at the counter waiting.

I'm in my phone.

Black blond, sitting, talking to woman who I thought she knew, but doesn't: Girl. The best hush puppies were a Chesapeake Bay Seafood House.

Random woman: what's that?

Don't Judge

demetria lucas June 17, 2016

The don't judge "brigade" would be far more tolerable if they weren't so judgmental. And sexist.

When they say "don't judge", what they really mean is I don't believe women should have opinions, especially not strong ones--- because never, not never have I seen "don't judge" on a predominately male thread, or even seen it said to a man. It says a lot about how women are valued-- or not-- in our culture.

Who am I to have an opinion?

I'm MF ME, b.

What they also mean is "I disagree with the majority opinion and lack the proper "verbal" skills to convey that" or "I relate to the topic being judged and feel personally attacked even though no one is talking about me." Sometimes it also means, "I go to church, am very religious, and want everyone else to live by my values." Uh, no.

#SeeSomeDC: "If the sign says no swimming, then why you wading?"

demetria lucas June 17, 2016

So I'm in the suburbs.

I go to Starbucks every afternoon. There's a patio with a nice breeze. I sit outside and look at the parking lot because that's the view.

Anyway, there's a group of adults that gather everyday. Or about everyday. They've been here every day I've been here. I'd say they're late 40s/early 50s. All black. I've adjusted the appx ages for melanin.

It's four core guys, and one woman, and then some others that drift in and out. All parents.

They show up to argue LOUDLY about the news. Yesterday and today they are arguing about the alligator incident at Disney and the Gorilla incident in Cinci.

#SeeSomeDC: "No one would put up with him for free. "

demetria lucas June 14, 2016

Watching the OJ doc with my parents and aunt.

I asked if Black people turned a blind eye to OJ beating his wife because she was white.

All 3: nobody paid any mind to OJ. He wasn't black. I mean he was black, but he didn't claim us, so black folks didn't claim him. Nobody paid attention to OJ.

Aunt: always running through that dang airport. Ugh.

Me: hmmm. Is there a modern day black person who gets the equivalent OJ treatment? Like black, but nobody cares?

Aunt: that boy with the Kardashian girl?

Me: Lamar Odom?

Aunt: nah. Nobody knew who he was before her. That was sad when he was in the hospital. The other boy. The one... His mama died.

Mom: Cain-yeah?

Me: Kahn- yay.

Aunt: yeah. He's so lost.

Mom: LOST! He's gonna give that Kardashian girl a run for her money.

Aunt: she's only with him for the money. No one would put up with him for free.