In recent developments of Demetria's on TV and things are straight weird...
I was in the suburbs all last week. I went to Starbucks everyday. It's a black Starbucks. Black-owned? Probably, given the area. All the patrons are black and at least 45.
I order a latte. Takes 5 minutes tops in NYC. Takes at least 12-15 at this Starbucks. Whatever. There's another Starbucks farther away with faster service, but I'm not getting on the highway to go to Starbucks.
So, I sit to wait for my drink. There are a couple women sitting at the counter talking to the guy making drinks. There are another pair of women standing at the counter waiting.
I'm in my phone.
Black blond, sitting, talking to woman who I thought she knew, but doesn't: Girl. The best hush puppies were a Chesapeake Bay Seafood House.
Random woman: what's that?
Black blond *unnecessarily loud*: girl. You never went there? OMG! The. Best. Hush. Puppies. Everrrrrr. There used to be one over in New Carrolton. I would go there all the time for the Hush Puppies. You don't know what you missed.
Random woman: oh, ok. I moved here about four years ago, I never heard of it.
Black blond to random standing woman: Girl. You remember them hush puppies?
Random woman 2: I'm visiting from Chicago.
Random woman 3: *shrugs*
Black blond: nobody in here knows Chesapeake Bay Seafood House? OMGGGG!! Those hush puppies were soooo good. Y'all missed the best hush puppies. No one has hush puppies like that. No one knows about that?
Me (why? I don't know): I remember that place.
Black blond: Girl. YES!!!! Weren't they everything? They were everything!!!
Me: They were good. I haven't been there in years.
Black Blond: And you never will again. They closed!!!!
Me: What?!
Black blond: Yes. Where have you been? They been closed.
Me: I haven't lived here in almost 20 years. Apparently, I missed a lot.
Black Blond: OMG! You know who you sound like? There was this girl on this TV show. Heels? You sound JUST LIKE HER!!!!
Me: Do I?
Sidebar: I never realized I had a distinct voice until I was on TV. Like I'm aware I sound like a phone sex operator and my voice is deep for a woman. But I've been out, talking randomly to a friend or on the phone, and folks will come around a book shelf or a high stacked shoe rack or circle back after passing me to be like, "excuse me? You're that girl from that show. I recognized your voice." It happens surprisingly often.
Black Blond: Yesss. You sound so much like her.
Me: Oh. Ok.
Black blond: That was my girl. She played no games. Them girls would come at her and she would shut it down.
Me: Mmmmm.
Black Blond: You look like her too. Y'all could almost be sisters. She was bigger than you though. You're teeny.
Me: Oh. Ok.
Me: *back in my phone*
Black blond: You know the show I'm talking about? On Bravo?
Me: Yes
BB: What was her name?
Me: Demetria?
BB: Yes. Demetria!! My girl. Demetria!
BB: Watch the show again. Y'all look so much alike!!!
Me (because now this is weird): I am Demetria.
BB: Yes, Demetria. That's her name.
Me: No, I am Demetria. I was on the show.
BB: *Jamie Lee Curtis scream*
Me: OMG! Don't do that. Stop! Stop now!!
BB: You are not. You are? You are not. Demetria's tall. You're a midget. I could put you in my pocket!!! Are you only tall on TV?
Me: Um. I don't have on heels.
BB: And you lost weight. You were a good size. Now you're bite size.
Me: 😳
BB: I'm not being shady, girl. I was a big girl, then I got gastric bypass. I looked so good. Then I got pregnant with my son and he wrecked my body. I love him. I do. But to do it over, I would have kept my body. I had two tummy tucks after that. I hate working out. Now my stomach is flat but everything else is big. I guess this is it. No more surgeries for me. I always respect people who lose weight the natural way. You have nice legs so I know you worked it off. Good for you.
Me: um...
Man making drinks hands her, her order.
BB: Ok. Well, it was nice meeting you Demetria. You still with your husband?
It's a surprisingly common question. A lotta folks think I got married for TV.
Me: yes.
BB: ya'll's anniversary is coming up, right?
Me: yup. Two years.
Her: 😳 nawl. Ya'll got married last year.
Me: the wedding didn't air live.
Her: ok. Well good luck to ya'll! Bye!
Black Blond walks out of Starbucks.
Me: 😳 x😐
Everyone else in Starbucks: 😶