At a networking event last night. I'm taking a picture with my phone, or trying to, and this woman keeps tapping my elbow and f---ing up my shot. I turn around to ask her to move, but I see she's trying to get my attention (despite me trying to take a picture).
Her: Demetria, right?
Me: Yes. Hi, how are you? What's your name?
I'm terrible with names by the way. And faces. I meet a LOT of people. A LOT. If our connection isn't about money or business, or you don't tell me some amazing story, I will probably forget we met until the fifth time we meet. And then I will only remember the fifth time. It's not personal. I have a small, but unique set of skills I focus on and perfect. Learning names ain't on the list. I only ask your name because 1) it's polite; 2) it's disarming.
She gives me her name.
Her: I almost didn't recognize you. I thought it was you, but I was like no, it just looks her because this girl is so much smaller. You look great. You lost of lot of weight, right?
Me: *thinks, "well, not according to my mother, but..."*
Me: I don't know how to respond to that question.
Her: oh, no. I didn't mean to be rude. It just looks like you're a lot smaller. You look great. You looked great before. You look really great now. You did lose weight right? You look so different.
Me: *forced polite smile*: Thanks.. Well, it was really nice to meet you. Enjoy the party. *turns to go back to taking pictures. *
Her: So what did you do to lose weight?
Me: Sorry?
Perhaps I'm sensitive, or socialized wrong. I think it's incredibly rude to ask strangers about their finances, their weight, or if something (hair/eye color/ bag) is real. A surprising number of people do it, and I wonder if Mum raised me a bit stiff. I don't care if a friend does it. I mean we're friends. But then a lot of people I've never met think of me as their "BFF in their head", which is usually pretty awesome. All sorts of perks. This is one of the down sides. (Also, on the list: people freaking out when they see me, or yelling my name in public places. Or wanting to take a pic and never actually asking me. Just running up and whipping out a camera. I will tell you to stop and walk off. I am a person, not an object.)
She repeats herself.
Me: Um. I stopped drinking.
Random. So surely everyone's heard a trainer or nutrition guru talk about the dead/insanely high calories of alcohol. But the reason they all say "stop drinking if you want to lose weight" is only partially because of the actual spirits. There's a culture around drinking that most of us learned in college to avoid getting sick/ a hangover. You pre-eat with carbs so you're not drinking on an empty stomach, and if you don't eat while drinking, post- drink to load down with carbs to soak up the liquor. And then you sleep on a full belly. If you wake up with a hangover, you go for grease and carbs to soak up the rest of the liquor, then back to sleep, again with a full belly when your metabolism is at its lowest. You don't just take in liquor calories, you take in a bunch of trying not to get fucked up/ trying to get over being fucked up calories too.
Me: And I run everyday.
Her: How far do you run?
Me: Um. 3 miles.
Her: really, that's it?
What I wanna say, is "Bih! 3 miles ain't enough for you? Then get your ass up and do it every morning or late night and when you've sweated thru your shirt and hair and got your own salty ass sweat stinging your eyes and you're offended by your own funk, say it ain't enough. Go march your ass up some steep ass hills that somedays you literally think, "This is the hill I'm going to die on and only like five people will get the irony of this happening to a writer." Do that sh-- and tell me it "that's it?" I give my got damn LIFE for those three miles. LIFE!!! Bih!!!!"
What I say: *smile* Yup, that's it! *swift-slow turn with simultaneous hair/ phone whip back to photograph that thing she interrupted me from.*