Soo…. 

My inbox is full of people asking some version of “So what do YOU think about what your friend said?” If you missed it, he said THIS. 

I didn’t give my opinion in the original post because, hell, I didn’t want to. I just wanted folks to read it and have the same "WTF?" reaction I did hearing it last week.  Maybe you’re well versed in that kind of perspective and those kinds of escapades. I was not. I was shocked. 

But I’ve caught a bit of flack for not giving context, and my lack of a public opinion about what my friend said has led folks to just lob any stupid thing and assign it to me.  

If they asked, I would have answered. Just like I’m answering the people who actually did ask. 

But first, some context:  

I’ve spent the last week or so having discussions online about what I’ve come to call “the Nate Parker fiasco”, mostly on Facebook and Instagram. You can read them HERE and HERE and also HERE. I also published a story on my site that ran on HuffPo about my conflicted feelings about supporting Parker now, because of his responses to said fiasco in a series of recent interviews with Deadline and Variety. (The Hoteps came out full throttle for me over that one.) 

There were men and women participating in the discussions and no matter which aspect of the case we discussed there was a VAST difference in how most men and most women perceived the information. In those particular discussions, most—but not all—women thought Parker, who was exonerated, committed rape. Most—but not all—of the men adamantly defended Parker. We argued for days, and got frustrated and angry and exhausted. At one point I declared that most of my male followers sounded like “latent rapists” for all the meandering twists of logic they were making to excuse or defend Parker. 

After that, I took a step back. I really wanted to understand the male POV here. In my most frustrated moments, I wish I could dismiss the way guys think, but they are the other half of the population. If women-folk have any intent of getting along with them, it might be helpful to understand where they’re coming from. I also thought it might be better to engage when I wasn’t combative. That had become impossible with the guys online. 

I called up some male friends I know pretty well and asked them about Nate Parker. The thought was that these were men in my circle who I trust and they would give me a breakdown of their thoughts that wasn’t about posturing for other men in the forum or saying sassy ish for RTs and likes. They were honest. Too honest for my comfort sometimes. I thought I was prepared after battling with men online. 

No. I was not.