I said I wasn’t going to write about it. But I have to. I. Have. To.
On Wednesday evening, I was practicing my ritual of procrastinating by browsing through Instagram. A friend, an Essence editor, posted a new image of the first couple that will run in the upcoming October issue. The Obamas are on the cover.
If you saw the picture, I know you saw … what everyone who saw the photo saw. All over social media, everyone’s talking about first lady Michelle Obama’s, uh, surprise ending. Constantly.
I want to be respectful of my FLOTUS. I do. I do not wish to objectify her. I will not. But it’s pointless to pretend not to see what we saw. And I’m making a public observation because, I mean, it stands out! It sits up! It cannot be missed. It’s the first thing everyone sees who looks at the image.
Case in point: I showed the picture to my husband with no commentary. He laughed.
Husband: That ain’t junk in the trunk. That’s luggage!
Me: That. Is. The. First. Lady.
Husband: She is a woman and I am a man with good vision.
Me: GREG!
Husband: You don’t need 20-20 to see that, though.
I have questions.
Like everyone, I’ve been looking at the first couple canoodle in photos for over eight years. They’re really into each other! And because I’ve been looking at—and loving on—them, I know well what they look like. Or I thought I did. This picture seems unlike the others before it. Is it the angle? The dress? Is Michelle Obama out of kitten heels and into stilettos? ’Cause as every woman knows, the right shoe can make a world of difference.
Is this new? And not “new” as in purchased, but new as in, did FLOTUS start up an as-yet-to-be-revealed fitness plan that enhances what was genetically occurring already? Is it the same plan practiced by Serena Williams, Tracee Ellis Ross and Erykah Badu? Because there’s a similar effect. And if there is indeed a plan, which is obviously working (very) well, what is that plan and when will it be released to the general public? I’m not asking for a friend.
One of my favorite comedians, Kev on Stage, didn’t even entertain that Mrs. Obama’s uh, gift, was made in a gym. He deduced that it was the result of cornbread. “She lied to us,” he said in a Facebook video. “Fruits and vegetables, you say? That’s cornbread! I know what cornbread residuals look like!”
Or have things always been this way? Is it possible that we, the black people, missed this glory for eight years? I mean, we saw something. And that, too, was admirable. But this is a whole other level. We didn’t see this.
It was no secret that FLOTUS is curvy. I mean, how could it be? And her husband said as much in an interview for Time magazine, in case there were people who were completely unobservant. “The fact that [daughters Sasha and Malia have] got a tall, gorgeous mom who has some curves, and that their father appreciates [it], I think is helpful,” he said.
“Some curves”?!
Sir. Understatement of the year.
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